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 This page is dedicated
to the cat that "Stuck With me" through BAD marriages,
and abusive husbands. He has been through a LOT with me,
and is THE MOST loyal male I know. He is known as "Emperor Chaz"
or "Chaz San" and reigns supreme where he lives now However,
he has many other affectionate names from me such as "Bubba", "Bubba
Do", "Chaz Bot"
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Chaz "Bubba" Do
| Welcome to my most beloved pets page, Mr.
Chaz-San's page. UPDATED
September 19th, 2007
You will notice that the entry I made in 2005 is very much a
reflection of how I felt back then.
I can tell you how I feel now. When I think of him I
smile at the loyalty and love he gave me, unconditionally.
But I swear, if anyone gets me to talk out loud about him, I
still cry. He was a integral part of my life and went
through everything with me.
If I even talk about him the day he passed away, it hurts
deeply. I remember how he growled when the needle went in.
But I know that he enjoyed leaving this world in the back yard,
in the sun.
Ill write more later.
April 2 2005
Well folks, this cat, that I love with all of my heart and
soul, is DYING. And I say it and type it with TEARS in my
eyes. He came to me under a car only 8 weeks old in Indian
Harbor Beach Florida in The Pines apartments in Feb. of 1986
abandoned by his mother one day when it was only 32
degrees....YES it gets that cold here. I went outside to
get my smokes out of my car, and I heard meowing, and found him
shivering under my car, and adopted him....with the perfect
heart shaped pink nose. Dont ask me why I named him chaz,
I dont remember.
Needless to say, my past was chaotic, and that
is putting it VERY kindly. He is the ONLY thing that stuck
with me. Through 3 abusive marriages. One of which
was through living in the Florida Keys (Big Pine) during
Hurricane Andrew and before that living in a domestic abuse
shelter, and a car, and even under a bridge. Yes, Ive come
a long long way. I now have a stable life since 1996,
notwithstanding being in a bad accident that left me in a
wheelchair for a year and learning to re walk....ok ok ok u have
me, luck and I have no relationship.
Again, this
Feline and I have been through it all and have lived throughout
the state of Florida. Hell, he even followed the band
Queensryche with me (they ROCK by the way) with complete loyalty
and snuck him into the hotel room. The point of this all
being is this. NEVER EVER underestimate the following...a
pet can be a part of you. They are loyal, they understand
you, they love you and are devoted to you. And when there
time comes, as Chazes time is now. do what I am doing now.
Give them their medication, Take the IV fluids, and inject them,
so his kidneys will function. BUT A WARNING FOR THE HEART
WHEN YOU WAKE YOURSELF AND LOOK AT THEM SLEEPING UNDER THE HEAT
LAMP< JUST TO MAKE SURE THEY ARE STILL BREATHING......dont be
selfish. For this is the most difficult thing I am facing
right now. I pray to the Goddess and God that he passes to
the afterlife in his sleep peacefully.....but a part of myself
knows better........
I'm lucky. I have a
Vet that is a dear friend that will come to my house and put him
down with him in my arms on MY BED. I have a husband that
has looked on the internet for a container for his ashes for my
altar. TRUST ME IM CRYING RIGHT NOW. KNOW when it is
time to let your friend (my familiar) go. I know and have
thought a long time looking at him sleep on the corner of my
bed, "What happens when he passes? And when I meet my Lord
and Lady? Will he be there?" I would like to think yes..simply
because of this, because he was there for me when I cried in my
life when things were bad, he was there for me when I was happy,
and I am there for him now, when he needs me most. And you
cannot convince me that things like this that have such a impact
in your live have such a insignificant meaning on both a
spiritual and a emotional position.
Remember all
of this, and be glad of one thing, that they loved you, and you
loved them....... Monday April 4, 05
It is with nightmares, tears and pain that I report the
following. This Thursday Vreena (the Vet) will be coming
over to end Chazs life. His last bloodwork shows he has
Cancer, on top of his kidneys failing. I will take him
into the Hurricane strewn backyard to smell the grass, bathe in
sunlight and enjoy his last moments before I have him put down.
For the life of me I dont understand why the Lord and Lady have
chosen for me to make this decision, why they did not take him
peacefully in his sleep, but it seems that is to be the way it
is to be. And truth be known, I will probably find myself
in a health care facility for the short care grieving.
Words cannot express what this is doing to me right now, knowing
that I am his executioner, bringer of peace, reliever of pain,
ender of his weariness, for he no longer eats, finds joy in
nothing. But if truth be known, he still purrs for me.
And selfish as these words are, that brings me some extent of
happiness that will quell what I am sure will be a onslaught of
nightmares. I will keep you informed as he has just come
back to the pillow on the corner of my bed. Mike has told
me not to take pictures of him these last days...but I have, and
I will post them here.
4-5-2005
His last hour alive in the back yard...I
am unable to write about it as of yet, but I can say that he
enjoyed the sun and grass. I kept my promise Bubba, I kept
my promise..The purple that you see is his body, wrapped and
prepared for the afterlife, in Myrrh Frankincense and Sage.
 The
Best Pic of me and Chaz
   
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April 23, 2005
Ahhhh, memories, he growled when he passed, this above all things
is haunting me. I feel like I failed him. I am still
crying still mourning him. I will keep you updated. I can
tell you this. I miss him more that I miss my mother. And
I know this because this because I barley knew her.
May 8th 2005
I still wake up with nightmares, and look at the foot of my bed
expecting him to be there under his heat lamp. Mike found
a Urn in the shape of a cat, and bought a gold bracelet that had
his name carved on the front and 2-14-1986 - 4-5-2005 on the
back. And I have a matching silver one on my wrist.
I still think of how he Growled when Vreena (our friend the Vet)
came over and put him to sleep, it makes me cry to remember, he
died growling.
WML
After reading all about that go to my kitten Warrior
Feline...and the dreaded mouse battle, it will put a smile of
your face., I SWEAR the last pic is NOT doctored.
Gizmo, Warrior Kitten
CALIFORNIA DAYS 98-2001
2001 The reason WHY I don't have beloved male is a VERY UN-selfish reason.
and it was the MOST difficult decision I have ever made in my life.
I know that some people cannot understand the depth of a bond that people
CAN and DO make with their pets, but it is for this VERY reason that I
left him in Florida when I moved out here to California to find my dream.
You see, he was diagnosed with FIP. This is a RARE but
incurable
disease. Michael, my third husband lost his two beloved cats, Casey
and Sandy to the disease.
Click here to learn about it
On top of the FIP, he has a heart murmur, which means that surgery,
and anesthesia is a HIGH risk for him. He is also old. If memory
serves me correctly, he was born in 1986. And the FIP will no doubt
shorten his life. I decided to let him stay in Michael's house because
that life I faced could not give him a HUGE porch in which he could sunbathe
in every morning. And I PRAY that when the end comes for him, it
will be laying in the sun, and passing away in his sleep, peacefully and
with no pain. It will kill me emotionally when he does pass away,
but at least he will do it where he is happy **sniffs and wipes the
tears that are freely flowing**
BUT for now, he continues to REIGN supreme as Top cat. Gizmo is
the only one who can escape him by finding the highest spot and watching
him from above. He is a holy terror and runs a tight
ship. And from what I understand, his fur grew back.
So to you Chaz, my Bubba Do...this page is dedicated to you with ALL
My heart and Love
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